Not C My Mom and Dad Again
I Caught My Mom Cheating and She Begged Me to Keep Information technology Hush-hush
I am hoping you lot can aid me with what to do hither. I am 17. Last week I caught my mom having sex with someone who is not my dad. My parents have been married for like twenty years and this was a shock to me, to say the to the lowest degree. My dad was at work and I came habitation from a friend's house unexpectedly. They were in the living room and I saw the guy roll off of my mom and pull some clothes on when he saw me. My mom was embarrassed evidently and tried to explain it away only afterward that nighttime she told me she made a mistake and to please non tell my dad. I feel like I am closer to my mom than my dad but I dear them both and I am really feeling like it's incorrect for me non to say something to my dad. I just feel bad for him knowing that he has no thought of what is going on. I feel similar my mom should tell him what happened, simply if she doesn't, is that my place? My mom has begged me not to and says it volition never happen once again. I am not sure if I believe her, though. My mom and dad seemed happy and this is all but so shocking to me. I don't know how to move past it. —Cannot Unsee
Dear Cannot Unsee,
I'm so deplorable y'all find yourself in this position. I imagine you feel similar you either take to exist disloyal to your mom and tell your dad, or be disloyal to your dad and continue this secret from him. That is a no-win state of affairs.
Then, allow's look at information technology differently.
Relationships between intimate partners are complex, and your mom and dad will have to figure their own stuff out. Your mom's choices about her relationship with your dad and the consequences of those choices actually are between the ii of them. I am non here to pass judgment about your mom'due south apparent infidelity. I volition say that her asking y'all to concord her hole-and-corner is a betrayal of her human relationship with yous. Information technology is role of the unspoken parenting contract that parents don't put their kids in a position to have to cull which parent to betray or be loyal to. That's not right or fair. It doesn't matter if this was a 1-fourth dimension affair or a pattern of behavior—it'due south not your part to weigh out the details and possible consequences.
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I propose you have a conversation with your mom merely, for at present, leave your dad and his feelings out if it. Focus instead on what her request is doing to yous and to your relationship with her. Asking you to hold her undercover is asking you to carry the responsibleness for her choices. That is a breach of trust with you that could have long-lasting implications. It cannot be your responsibility to cover for her, nor should information technology be your responsibility to inform your dad. This isn't almost you lot loving her enough to keep her surreptitious; it is about her loving y'all enough not to ask you to. Yous cannot forcefulness her to own her actions. If, however, when presented with your feelings she nonetheless chooses to put you on the middle, you may want to inquire yourself what you are protecting.
None of this is piece of cake, so if you find yourself struggling, I suggest finding a therapist most you to work through some of this with. No affair what happens, having some back up may be beneficial in helping you move past this.
All-time of luck,
Erika
Erika Myers
Erika Myers, MS, MEd, LPC, NCC is a licensed psychotherapist and quondam educator specializing in working with families in transition (often due to separation or divorce) too every bit individuals seeking support with relationship issues, parenting, depression, anxiety, grief/loss/bereavement, and managing major life changes. Although her theoretical orientation is eclectic, she most oftentimes uses a person-centered, strengths-based approach and cognitive behavioral therapy in her practice.
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Source: https://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/dear-gt/i-caught-my-mom-cheating-and-she-begged-me-to-keep-it-secret
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